with   

and

Kathryn of Omaha TV

Omaha TV’s Mother Earth’s Weekly Squirms Show is on and millions of viewers tune in.

Kathryn: Hello, dear viewers, my husband Mars Man is here with us on the occasion of the elections in the USA and we have the fortitude of receiving him in our studio today together with our beloved panel: Paul Turnmeon, Fred Miserable, Bob Demmofool, Charlene Knowitall, Marlene Femenazi and Henriette Forgetmenot. Mars Man, your views on the American election results.

Mars Man: “Like rain in space. Incredible. I heard that the tenant in the Whitehouse climbed the fence, but on the way out, not to be seen again. Like the Halloween scene we reported last week.”

Kathryn: “What do you think of the American two-party system? Does it work?”

Mars Man: “As good as a worn-out couple in bed. Adultery is the only option for survival.”

Kathryn: “But with whom can they commit adultery?”

Mars Man: “They should call back the Founding Fathers for a transformation of America. Clearly, the one advocated by the current tenant of the White House was an outright aberration. I told you that six years ago, but no one wanted to believe me, and some others, who raised the red flag.”

Kathryn: “But what transformation should the Founding Fathers consider?”

Mars Man: “Try the parliamentary system. The Presidential system lures people to the job who bank on their smiles and populist manners, but are not competent or honest. The system puts too much power into the executive branch and turns it too much into a bully pulpit. In the parliamentary system you can issue a vote of no-confidence and throw the bums out and put your own bums in before the election period is over. That’s what we do on Mars.”

Kathryn: “Well, Bob Demmofool, you think that’s the solution?”

Bob: “This is the biggest bull –beep — I’ve ever heard. The parliamentary system allows multiple parties into the chambers and leads to complete cacophony. No continuity, continuous fights, nothing gets done. America needs a one party system and that should obviously be the Democrats to avoid today’s gridlock.”

Fred Miserable: “WTF – beep! I beg to disagree. In Europe, you have all sorts of parties that have a voice, and here those different voices get shut up by the majority leaders in the Senate or the House. Let’s split up the democratic party, for example. All your moderate democrats have been rooted out and replaced by leftist socialists, environmental fascists, crony capitalists, and professional healthcare liars, and you want to amplify that into a one party system?”

Marlene Femenazi: “This is all chicken — beep!  We have enough of all these fuddy-duddy roosters talking big and do nothing but jumping on our backs. What we need is matriarchal management. The guys have made a complete mess of it. I only want to see skirts or female pants on TV, that is, without zippers that fly open in public and cause sexist havoc. The Wonder Woman Party would do fine.”

Charlene Knowitall: “BS-beep! If you put two women together you have a fight. Put a whole party of them together and you have a war on women.”

Henriette Forgetmenot: “Mars Man is right. We need a multi-party system. Like marriage is out the door, it’s more fun to lie in bed with multi-parties.”

Fred Miserable: “Let’s put a name to today’s so-called Democrats: the Communist Party because that’s what it is. Totally transformed. In a multi-party system, you could also have a Social Democrat party like in Germany, a Labor Party like in the UK or a Boer Koekoek party in Holland. On the Republican side, you can have a Libertarian Party like Le Pen in France, a Christian Democratic party like in Germany or Holland, and a Conservative Party in the UK. Each party gets the votes they deserve and the lead party forms the government, if necessary with opposing parties if they didn’t get a full majority, and they select a prime minister. And you do not have to wait four let alone eight years to get rid of him or her. Most importantly, they cannot govern by fiat or executive order.”

Bob Demmofool: “SOB! I wish we would’ve had that when Bush was president!”

Fred Miserable: “You see! You agree when you see it’s to your advantage. SOB!”

Kathryn: “Ladies and gentleman, let’s pipe down! Mars Man, your idea of inviting the Founding Fathers back to life is causing some friction. Did we forget something we should think about?”

Mars Man: “Yes. Immigration. An issue hotly debated on Mars. We don’t like invaders. We have invited that visionary gentleman from Holland, Gilders to come and speak. Also that charming lady from France Michelle le Pen.  Joe Arpaio of Arizona has already signed on. Jan Brewer, Governor of Arizona, as well. We have installed a hermetic shield around Mars and everyone will be bounced back to where they came from regardless of whether they perish in space.”

Bob Demmofool:” WTF!  How are you going to grow your party’s base? You won’t be able to maintain your majority.”

Marlene Femenazi: “That’s what we should have in the USA: a system to keep all the men out and do away with those inside. Now that the Supreme Court is supporting same-sex, we can finally throw the bums out and do it alone.”

Paul Turnmeon: “I can recommend you a crony capitalist who can provide you solar-energy operated cucumbers for half the price. He got half a billion tax-funded government loan.”

Kathryn: Ladies and gentleman, again, tone it down unless you want the FCC to denominate this an X-rated show and we would lose our advertisers. Mars Man, a last comment please before we close. “

Mars Man: Oh, yes, thanks. What does WTF mean?”

Kathryn: “Dear viewers, that was all for today, come back next time!”