ENCHANTÉ – MR. CORONA AT THE FRIENDS
The Friends are gathered at the Hullahoo Bar for drinks, having beer or sodas while lifting their masks. They are all sitting at one side of the counter opposite to visiting Mr. Corona, a wormlike figure with a party hat on, who sits alone, looking defiant. He is speaking Chinese through a Made in China Google Translate device.
Frank: “Mr. Corona, why you are intent on making us all sick? You know we don’t have a vaccine yet to fight you.”
Corona: First off, I and my coworker viruses want to keep you, humans, on your toes. You people get too complacent living your luxury life. What better time to shake you up than in an election year?”
Maria: “But soon they’ll be closing the school where I’m teaching and then I lose my job. I won’t ever have a chance to pay off my gas bill. I’ll be sitting in the cold and get the virus.”
Melissa: “And my favorite senator Bernie won’t get a debate audience to preach his Chinese social democracy.”
Corona: “Miss Maria, don’t you worry. Spring is coming. If they shut off your gas you’ll soon be warm enough. Anyway, I’ll be going on Spring Break to give you guys a break.”
Tom: “But they don’t want you in Cancun, Mr. Corona.”
Corona: “The young don’t bother with me, they sneeze me off. And Miss Melissa, the young don’t need Bernie’s debate to be revolutionary. They are in their habitual sturm und drang period, you know, being permanently stressed out.”
Fred: “Who made you and who sent you here?”
Corona: “‘Made in China.’ Like printed on the Amazon, Walmart or Home Depot boxes you get at the shop. China sent me here in revenge for the anti-China U.S. tariff policies and property theft measures, but something happened along the way.”
Ted: “Say it, what happened?”
Corona: “They didn’t package me and my comrades well enough. Some of them fell out in Wuhan and infested a chicken market. That’s how it all started.”
Cindy: “That’s like playing with Chinese gun powder at a Chinese fireworks factory. Now we have this worldwide mess.”
Corona: “China was left with no choice but to disrupt the world in the face of the American assault on its economy.”
Cindy: “China already assaulted the world with the bird flue in 1997. The SARS flue, also a coronavirus, in 2003, and now again with you, a new flue version. Aren’t you feeling guilty about deaths in China and the world?”
Corona: China will barely notice the unintended consequences of the escape of my comrades in Wuhan. It has 1.5 billion people. A few thousands gone is a drop on a hot plate. Our Corona team has more impact in other places, such as Europe and here. That’s our goal. Submit Europe and the USA. China will win this battle and leave you breathless.”
Caithlyn: “But your panic destroys everybody’s livelihood, so China will suffer too.”
Corona: “For centuries we have lived in abject poverty, and we survived many population crises, thanks to the Chinese Communist Party. We will survive this one too, but the West, and in particular the U.S. won’t. Already you’re crumbling in your political cabal. Democracies are suicidal.”
Melissa: “The good thing is that Trump can’t have his MAGA rallies anymore. Biden won’t need a rally to make gaffes, so Bernie will win.”
Frank: “How will people go to the voting booths in November? They must postpone the elections.”
Tom: “So what are your plans, Mr. Corona, after you come back from spring break?”
Corona: “I come back in the fall with new vigor in a mutated shape, immune to your vaccine whenever you get one. Meanwhile, my teammates will continue to roam around, upsetting everybody. We love panics, like your democrats and your hysterical media. Your flue shots won’t affect us viruses.”
Cindy: “But China needs our market to make a living. You are a two-edged sword, Mr. Corona. You in China should have been more careful of what you wished for.”
Corona: “Thanks to your technology transfers, willingly or unwillingly, China, as a nation of 1.5 billion, is self-sufficient now. We don’t need your stuff anymore and can live happily without you, making it ourselves. We are the number one producer of anti-biotics and make all your medicines. We will survive, you won’t.”
Frank: “By the way, Mr. Corona, shouldn’t you be wearing a mask?”
At this moment, Jason, the bartender, enters holding a Lysol spray can in a shooting position, but Mr. Corona was gone already, leaving the Friends speechless, sucking their beer-stained masks.
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