Overheard on St. Maarten’s Beach II
Still on the beach at St. Maarten, Mars Man sits with his dear Kathryn, Dr. Kisshanger and Lu drinking rum punch and munching on their Dutch oil balls, watching a multi-colored balloon drifting through the blue sky with a foolish overweight American dangling from a rope.
Kathryn: Look who’s coming, Mars! Aaron and Taher of the Israeli parliament! Remember we last met them in June 2010 at that Florida Beach? What are they doing here?
Aaron and Taher almost simultaneously: Hello you guys. What a coincidence! And hello, Dr. Kisshanger and Lu, what fun to see you all together!
Kathryn: Have an oil ball, fresh from Holland. No pork.
Mars Man: What brings you here?
Aaron: On our way to Washington D.C. to prepare Netanyahu’s visit to Congress. We thought we could get some ideas here, and low and behold, we stumble onto the most knowledgeable people on earth and beyond.
Kathryn: We were just talking about Washington. As you know, the President is holed up on Hawai after the military take-over. They only let him say prayers.
Taher: Foolish thing to do. Even at prayer he’s out of bounds. As a Muslim and Arab representative in the Israeli parliament, I can imagine that he, whose name is Hussein, does not want to call ISIS Islamic, but that’s what they call themselves. But then to compare them with what Christians did during the crusade 1000 years ago, or even refer to the Spanish Inquisition 6 centuries ago burning infidels on stakes, and then not naming ISIS Islamic, is fastidious to me.
Aaron: It’s topsy-turvy talk. They’d better get rid of his teleprompter.
Dr. Kisshanger: I’m afraid that wouldn’t make much difference. He must have listened to your TV show the other day, Kathryn. As you said, the Islamic year according to their calendar is 1435 so they are six hundred years behind us. But the President in absentia forgot to explain what you said, that religions seem to pass through the same evolutionary development span. These barbarians believe in their mission as much as those Spanish Inquisitioners did in their time. You see what they did to that brave Jordanian fighter pilot. Reminds you of the Nazis. That’s the issue and the danger.
Kathryn: Right, these people are willing to commit heinous crimes and die for it, like these Saudis on 9/11, but I’m not sure if the Spanish Inquisitors had the same obsession. You must confront it with utmost force right in the butt and not wait until they carry out more dreadful executions and come to the USA with another 9/11. Five centuries ago, Protestants Luther and Calvin stood up against the Catholic Inquisitors, but you don’t have those leaders yet in the Middle East. Only the US can lead, and they don’t. They’re only downplaying the danger to excuse themselves for not acting forcefully. Obama went golfing after an American was beheaded.
Mars Man: King Hussein of Jordan, Obama’s namesake, took brave actions and put the US on the spot. We should support the Jordanians forthwith. The US and whatever allies they have should put immediately twenty thousand troops at the Jordanian border with Syria. You imagine what could happen if they don’t? Jordan’s peaceful people and their beautiful treasures? Lu, you as the colonial master of the US, can’t you get these American guys to act like men?
Lu: We get oil from Iran. They are Shiite. ISIS is Sunni and they are based in Syria, where Assad, who is Shiite, is still holding out in part of the country. Maybe ISIS is in collusion with Iran? If you want to fight ISIS, you’d have to fight in Syria to get their rebels to join you. That would mean removing Shiite Assad first. Obama, his friends, Russia and we don’t like that because we don’t want Shiite Iran to get upset in the ongoing nuclear negotiations. Above all, we don’t want them to cut off their oil from us.
Dr. Kisshanger: We negotiated nuclear détente with the USSR at the time. It worked.
Aaron: The USSR didn’t have a plan to wipe Israel of the map. Iran has. They say it openly, Lu, and you know it. You guys and Obama won’t give a damn if we go to pieces, but we do.
Dr. Kisshanger: History has a tendency to repeat itself, although never on the same path. World War I started with the murder of the Emperor of Austria-Hungary by a terrorist Serb. It took some four years before the USA, with a Democrat President, Wilson, got involved, only when the Germans torpedoed American ships creating national uproar. World War II began with Hitler coming to power and invading Austria, Hungary then Poland. Europe acted far too late, with that British Nevil Chamberlain at the helm. By then Hitler had swallowed Europe’s continent. The unwilling USA, again with a Democrat President, Roosevelt, was forced into it by Pearl Harbour. Before that, Roosevelt had promised US soldiers they wouldn’t fight in European wars again. In my view, again with a Democrat President, the US has not been doing now what it should be doing.
Kathryn: But that same Democrat President and his Hillary went to war in Libya without Congressional approval and under false pretenses as the recent tapes disclosed. Nobody liked Gadhafi but look what we got in return. That’s why Petraeus took over.
Dr. Kisshanger: the grounds for World War III are already laid: Russia, Iran, ISIS, maybe you, dear Lu, against Europe, the USA, and Israel.
Kathryn: Iran and ISIS together?
Lu: Don’t they say ‘me and my brother against my cousins, me, my brother and my cousins against the stranger?’
Taher: People should make a difference between good Arabs and bad. ISIS is bad. Jordan is good, but they have many problems, refugees and ISIS hiding among them. They are very vulnerable. Iran doesn’t mind if Sunnis battle among themselves for political power. But to let a strident ISIS conquer the Islamic world is a life and death threat to the Middle-East, us and the West. What if Saudi Arabia goes? What about Egypt? Nigeria? Both ISIS and Iran must be dealt with now. ISIS with decisive military force, and Iran with the strongest sanctions to keep them on a tight leash, and to keep their proxies Hezbollah and Hamas off our back.
Kathryn: And that’s Netanyahu’s message to Congress?
Aaron and Taher at the same time: Yes, exactly. To kill the beast at infancy and not wait until we are forced into another World War.
Mars Man: Now we understand why the former President does not want to see him. His party doesn’t want to spent money on the military in lieu of his social programs to buy votes. Maybe you should ask that other former President, Carter. He looks a lot better now in comparison, and he seems very happy about that.
Aaron: Carter is a friend of Hamas because he still does not realize that Hamas is not the Palestinians, but a terrorist group. Palestinians tell us all the time how much they fear them.
Kathryn: I wouldn’t even try. The man is peanuts now. I also hear that Democrats want to boycott Netanyahu’s speech before Congress, only because the Republicans invited him. Boycott an ally and above all an allied Head of State? Only for party politics?
Mars Man: There are moments I’m glad I’m not American. They’re shameful. American democracy is in dire shape. But Alex de Tocqueville predicted that already.
Lu: The world will be a lot better when China controls it all. You can always come to China, Mars.
Mars Man: I keep telling you, Lu, you are too confuciused. You may be glad if you can keep selling your fortune cookies and American Wal Markt goods made in China with a deflated Chinese Yuan or Renminbi if you want.
Kathryn: Have another oil ball, Lu. I’ll get some more. Waiter! Get us another round of rum punch, we really need it here!
Overheard on St. Maarten’s Beach
Kathryn from Omaha TV
Mars Man and Kathryn are enjoying sunny conversations on the beach at St. Maarten, away from it all, especially the cold.
Mars Man: I believe it’s Superbowl today.
Kathryn: Yeah, the most inflated show of the year.
Mars Man: I hear the former president is going nuts confined to his golf club on Hawai.
Kathryn: From our perspective, he was already going nuts in the White House from what he was saying.
Mars Man: They beheaded another guy, the beasts. They must have stolen those orange suits from the Dutch soccer team.
Kathryn: What we need is a guy like Eisenhower. Go in there with allied forces in a big way and wipe them off the earth.
Mars Man: It seems that Petraeus isn’t doing much about it either. I’d hoped that by now he would’ve pulverized them to pork stew.
Kathryn: They don’t eat pork over there.
Mars Man: What about that tape story that the Pentagon undermined Hillary on that Libya war? What with the White House listening-in device! Remember Obama saying that Muammar Gadaffi had to go? Like poor Hosni Mubarak? And what did we get in return? Four brave Americans dead and more of BHO’s cruel Muslim friends.
Kathryn: He says he will degrade them and ultimately destroy them. What does that mean, degrade? So far they’ve been upgrading each day. Ultimately means he leaves it on the plate of the next president. Who said Michelle was a good cook?
Mars Man: America is in deep dodo with this man. The chickens will come home to roost, like his master the reverend Jeremia Wright said when BHO sat in his pew but wasn’t listening.
Kathryn: We heard the new Congress is acting up. All democrats are wearing long johns. Reid fell so hard over all his lies he was shoveling out of his office that he broke his nose, blinded one eye, and had to get a face lift.
Mars Man: I heard it was O’Connell who’d punched him K.O. because he’d been so mean to him for six years.
Kathryn: We got the measles again in the US. Unidentified measles. Came with the illegal border crossers from those third world countries visiting Mickey Mouse in L.A. Ever had the measles?
Mars Man: We don’t have them on Mars. What do they look like, shrimps?
Kathryn: Like mosquito or ant bites all over your body.
Mar Man: Another good reason to keep you earthlings away from Mars. That last spaceship went to pieces again. If humans want to come to Mars, let them take Amtrak, but they may get stuck on the way.
Kathryn: See who’s coming. Old Dr. Kisshanger and Lu from Chinatown, both peacefully together on the beach. Hi Dr.Kisshanger, Lu, how are you?
Dr. Kisshanger: Fine, I’m still writing more memoirs. Our days were so much better than yours. May we sit down?
Lu: Great to see you. Even though we’d hoped you’d do better under Chinese colonial rule, it hasn’t got any better in Washington.
Kathryn: You taught them how to lie. For six years we haven’t heard anything but. What do you expect?
Dr. Kisshanger: He who turns oriental gets disoriented.
Mars Man: Lies in Washington are just the plain truth. If you told the opposite nobody would believe you.
Kathryn: Well, Dr. Kisshanger, what do you feel about today’s world?
Dr. Kisshanger: No see, no hear, no speak.
Mars Man: But that’s Chinese!
Lu: No sir! This is plain Shakespearian English. Besides, in China we no think either, just do.
Kathryn: What would you do, Lu, if they are going to behead a Chinese?
Lu: We’ll send them Chinese fruitcake with bomb mix. If not good enough, we drop them a million mad Chinese women. Guaranteed to work or your money back.
Kathryn: What about all this religious doublespeak, Dr. Kisshanger?
Dr. Kisshanger: He or she, who is without sin, throw the first stone. That’s why Obama doesn’t want to make war. Jeremiah told him so.
Mars Man: Do you believe that, Lu?
Lu: Dr. Kisshanger is without sin, as he came to China first. We Chinese don’t know what sin means. We’re Confuciused. Shall we have a glass of rum punch?
Lu calls a waiter, who brings them four glasses of pink fluid on the ruble, with a slice of lemon, a straw, and loaded with rum.
Lu: Cheers! Let’s drink on peace the Chinese way.
Mars Man, sipping: What’s that, Lu?
Lu: In five years, China will be omni powerful, and everybody on Earth will speak, read and write Mandarin, starting at Kindergarten, and be happy. That will shut up the Islamic Radical Extremists, as we rightly call them. Next step will be Mars.
Mars Man: Don’t count on it, Lu. Your hieroglyphs aren’t working in space. You’ll be even more Confuciused and get stuck on the moon.
Kathryn: Okay, guys! I’ll get us some Dutch oil balls. I hear they are good over here.
Lu: Oil balls? Here? Can’t be. China has imported all the oil there is.
Kathryn: It’s balls of dough fried in cooking oil, Lu. Like your good fortune cookies, but without your pin strips of Chinese Confuciun.
Lu: I’ll come with you and then confiscate the oil.
Kathryn: You can’t because you’ll create war with the French part of the island. They bathe in cooking oil. See you later.
The Interview
and Kathryn from Omaha TV
Kathryn of Omaha TV is on, Mars TV is connected, and Mars Man is with Barack Husain Obama in Honolulu in an undisclosed location under a coconut tree.
Kathryn: Go ahead, Mars Man, you are on!
Mars Man: Thank you, Kathryn. Viewers, we are here with the US President hiding in Hawai. Dear Mr. President, how does it feel to be on eternal vacation in your homeland?
BHO: I take the Fifth.
Mars Man: Excuse me, sir, but you are not in Congress. You can speak freely here, no fear. Your obedient servants in America must’ve felt that they needed that new car smell you talked about a bit earlier than you expected.
BHO: They’re misguided. My smell is pretty good. Just got half a gallon of aged Old Spice on sale in the drugstore. As for my eternal vacation, that’s in the eye of the beholder. Eric Holder will get me back soon.
Mars Man: But Holder has also been deposed.
BHO: He will find a subtle way, as he did with Fast and Furious. And there is still the Executive Order. And I have my pen and phone. And I still have a free Obama phone, and if they take that away, I have a few boxes of them left in my wine cellar here.
Mars Man: You must’ve heard that John Kerry went to Paris to apologize for your absence at the World Rally in Paris and that he was accompanied by a singer totally unknown in France nobody could hear.
BHO: We tried Beyoncé, but the Military blocked her from going. Joe Biden was willing, but he sings false.
Mars Man: You must feel pretty impoverished here in your new hiding space.
BHO: It’s no different from the White House. We were pretty broke, anyway. And have a lot of debt.
Mars Man: Something on the order of nineteen plus trillion, we hear. That’s a great legacy.
BHO: The same as other Presidents. Bill and Hillary were dead poor when they left. That freaky Bush had to sell his football club to pay off his. I’ll just write another book and get my money back.
Mars Man: Hillary’s publisher lost millions on hers.
BHO: Sure, but she kept the ten million dollar advance. I can write and speak a lot about my legacy, and they’re willing to pay me high fees in the millions, dwarfing Hillary’s extra fees for nonsense speeches about how poor she was. I grew up in the ghettos of Nairobi and Jakarta. I can talk about my birth certificate. Best hoax ever.
Mars Man: What legacy would you speak of?
BHO: I have many. Take Obamacare. Carries my name. Historical. Fast and Furious. To rub that silly nose of Arizona Sherriff Joe Arpaio in it. IRS Audits of those wealthy Republicans that yielded a lot of money from unlawful Cayman tax shelters, and stopped those subversive Tea Party extremists. Worth at least ten speeches at a million a pop.
Mars Man: But your Democrat party lost the elections.
BHO: You’re wrong. We won. Two-thirds didn’t vote because they supported my policies.
Mars Man: But the Republicans have the majority in Congress thanks to voters not supporting your policies.
BHO: All rubbish. What Republicans? They always cave when I raise my finger or call on Sharpton to blackmail them. Why do we need a Republican party anyway? One party, the Democrats, is good enough. Would save the taxpayers a lot of money.
Mars Man: What are the many other legacies?
BHO: Stopping the Keystone pipeline. After all, I have a lot of shares in Buffett’s railcars transporting oil. Solar energy, called Obamasun. Millions of acres covered with solar panels. All made in China. Biofuels. Windmill farms.
Mars Man: But we are told Solyndra went bankrupt with five hundred million taxpayer money gone down the drain, the electrical car got busted, and wind farms kill the American Eagle, your treasured national symbol.
BHO: In any war, be it drones or fossil fuels, we face collateral damage. An unintended consequence we shall have to accept as the cost of doing business. As for the national symbol, too bad for the bird, but Obama’s face would be good enough, especially because it’s black. And black is beautiful.
Mars Man: Benghazi was a major failure of your Administration. Four brave Americans dead among which your Ambassador. Why was that poopoed by your underlings?
BHO: I’ve said many times before that Benghazi was Hillary’s Department. I can’t help her three o’clock phone was off the hook. I tried my best to help her out by sending Susan around the Sunday shows and because Susan loves me she did a fabulous job. Everyone believed she told the truth, as we always do.
Mars Man: But you said you could keep your doctor, your insurance plan and pay much less premium, and none of that proved true.
BHO: That’s old hat. We’ve explained all that. Sometimes the truth is better not told.
Mars Man: What is your view on Trumps’s take-over of your Government?
BHO: It’s illegitimate. They won’t get away with it. My underlings have launched an appeal to the High Court.
Mars Man: Judge Roberts may not be as friendly to you this time as he was with Obamacare. Both of you seem to have peculiar views on what is legitimate. But the way we see it on Mars, things will be a lot better in the USA, even the world. Your trillion foreign debts are going to be paid off; demonstrations will stop, and Russia and China will shut up. The IRS will be abolished, and taxes will be greatly reduced. Americans believe in themselves again. People say they’re relieved not to see you on TV anymore with your hands wobbling while you’re running down the steps of Air Force One.
BHO: Don’t ridicule my daily exercise. I can’t play golf all the time. As for Russia, we made rubble of it. China needs our money for our Solyndra panels. Iran will get their bomb regardless, so why bother. Not even the military can do anything about that. It will put the Shiites and the Sunni Muslims on a level playing field. Israel has the bomb already, so why not Saudi Arabia, too.
Mars Man: People on Mars are glad we are away far enough when it all blows up.
BHO: That’s how it is said in the Scripts: doomsday is here. I said I would fundamentally transform America and I did. Even the world. You can’t take that away from me. That’s my greatest legacy. I have to go back to Michelle now. She promised me a dinner of suckling pig if I voted for her Senate seat.
Mars Man: Fair enough, Mr. President. Greetings from Mars…..
The TV screen goes blank because a bomb went off somewhere. We are trying to fix the connection.
Free Speech And Appeasement
and Kathryn of Omaha TV
The Mother Earth’s Weekly Squirms show is on and Mars City TV and Omaha TV are connected through Video Screen.
Kathryn to Mars Man: Welcome to Omaha TV! The only TV station still operative under the new Temporary Military Regime! Our team is here in full for the first session in the New Year and we are watching the enormous rally in Paris in defense of free speech and against radical Islam. All major leaders are there including Fatah’s Abbas. The US Administration seems conspicuously absent. A missed opportunity but in line with their policy of appeasement.
Mars Man: Good point, Kathryn. This killing of freedom of the press, freedom of speech and the spread of political correctness on Mother Earth has culminated in the tragedy in Paris. How are you coming out on this down there?
Kathryn: Our panel is as usual very divided on these issues. The previous US Administration now deposed did not want to call a spade a spade and avoided systematically to call terrorist violence Islamic Jihad, even though Jihad is a term used in the Koran. Instead of taking these issues head-on, Eric Holder preferred to spend his time to push for changing the Redskins name and accusing General Petraeus of having revealed State secrets about matters such as the cost of Pentagon toilets to his mistress during pillow talk. Let’s give the floor to our panel here. Fred, go ahead.
Fred Miserable: It was about time Petraeus took over to protect American democracy and its exceptionalism, the only country that has free speech in its Constitution. But I’m afraid that so much harm has already been done that counter action by the US Government will be spineless and just for show.
Charles: Once you let the devil out of the box, it’s very hard to get him back in. For decades, Western governments, especially France, have been pussyfooting Islamic extremism, both at home and in their former colonies, because they didn’t want to face growing political unrest. You all know the French saying ‘après nous le déluge’. France established enclaves all over its country, so called no-go zones, to let Islamic communities from their former colonies create their own civil societies. These NGZs are constituted of unassimilated French nationals and have become ticking time-bombs. Several have been going off in Paris before, as well as other cities, but this last one is a harsh reminder that instead of diminishing unrest this policy of weakness and appeasement has only solidified jihadist aggression.
Fred Miserable: The awful reality is we have those NGZs even in the US and nobody talks about it.
Kathryn: What’s Mars’s view on this?
Shamus: Let me start of by saying we don’t have the same religious confusion on Mars as on Mother Earth. Here we all bow to Jupiter once a year and for the rest we just behave in accordance with solid principles of justice, regardless of whether you bow or not bow to Jupiter. If you don’t behave you risk being dragged to the market place and have other Martians throw rotten tomatoes in your face.
Elmer: One of our principles is free speech like on Mother Earth but you should not insult religious belief, whatever belief you practice. But on Mother Earth, free speech covers insulting someone else’s religion. Here this is forbidden by law, as is screaming “fire” on Mother Earth in the cinema to scare people. Religion is people’s souls and therefore über-sensitive. That’s playing with fire and underscored by the shooting in Paris. There’re lots of things you can make fun of but not of the sacred icons of someone’s religion.
Marlene Femenazi: Satire is a complex matter: where do you draw the line? I think when drawing a joke you have to keep in mind, “Am I not too offensive.” American cartoon satire maybe different from that in Europe that seems a bit more freewheeling. In my view you have to maintain a certain decency and Charlie Hebdo may have overstepped this boundary, even though they knew perfectly well what they were doing.
Huda: Making funny cartoons of Seksibombah in short skirts and big boops is fine with me. A big seller in the Middle East, I’m told. But women in your Middle East are not allowed to look at them. That’s hypocritical.
Pasha: How could they even look at them in burkas? But I hear that women throw off their burkas as soon as they set foot in the house and walk around in shorts and put on lipstick. Seems indeed a very hypocritical society.
Mars Man: Not less hypocritical than Mother Earth’s western governments. Appeasement in any form or shape is defeatist. History on Mother Earth is full of examples. You give a finger to the blackmailer and he takes your arm. Hitler did it with Neville Chamberlain. It led to World War II with 50 million dead. The Ayatollah has been doing the same with Obama, and unless checked it will lead to World War III with many more dead. Give money to Fatah and Hamas to appease them and it will lead to another Middle East War. We see Abbas walking up front with other leaders joining in the protest against radical Islam and killing of journalists, but what will he do when he is back home? Ask for more money that will be funneled to his terrorists?
Shamus: Don’t fight ISIL’s expansion and they will come after you, much bigger than in Paris, and before you know it you have another war with many more casualties. Appeasing jihadists will lead to more attacks because they see that you are a pussycat and they are winning. Mother Earth’s politicians are cowards until their peoples rise up and demand they protect them against evil. That’s why you have Petraeus and the military of the US taking over the Government, to protect the US Constitution, even though they had to do it with an unconstitutional act.
Charles: The boiling point has been reached. Being sweet to your enemy never works. Understanding them and defeating them does. American and European leaders must enforce respect built on fear that you won’t let them run over you. On the other hand, I agree with Elmer of Mars TV that you don’t poke in the fire by insulting people’s sacred religious icons because it causes resentment. What’s the point.
Elmer: Your Muslim calendar starts in 632 and has now reached year 1435. The same century that you had your Spanish Inquisition, burning Jews and Muslims on stakes because they did not adhere to Catholic religion and your Pope. You can compare that to Radical Islam today. Your Catholics believed at that time they were right. Today’s Islamic radicals believe they are right. Who believes anything in the West nowadays except free speech? Christians are pursued even in the USA today by atheists and socalled nonbelievers in the press. I predict it will take another 600 years before Islam and Christianity, if it still exists given your secular and atheist society, come together like your Catholics and Protestants did only recently.
Kathryn: All well said, but nobody over here seems to take that seriously, least the US Media. In the Middle East they make fun of Christ and nobody does anything about it here. What’s the view of Bob Demmofool, if you are able to talk after your mishap in Mexico.
Bob: Free speech is embedded in our Constitution. Unlimited, except for the few exceptions such as crying fire in the cinema, but the US President is president of all and cannot single out one religion as evil.
Henriette Forgetmenot: That doesn’t address the issue of going over the line with free speech. I’ve no objection regulating that religious insults even as jokes on Islamic icons should be limited, but only on the condition that all nations do that with Christianity as well, and that we fine any cartoonists wherever they are that do not. But you go to court to protest it and don’t terrorize and kill for it. No religion can claim supremacy over another. Catholic religion had to admit that as well, though they took their time.
Charles: Speeches and rallies against Islamic extremism make a clear point but only action counts. France and the rest of Europe must address their policies of digging their heads into the sand with the spread of no-go zones where Sharia is practiced. These cancer cells in western culture and society will eventually destroy it and democracy itself. We shall have to see what happens after the rallies. The conspicuous absence of the US is ominous and felt as a betrayal of American values.
Paul Turnmeon: That Hayat Boumedienne has a sweet face, though. Sad eyes, like someone distressed and disillusioned. I wish I could have a coffee with her to find out what she really is and thinks.
Marlene Femenazi: She is also shown holding a gun in your face. Happy coffee clatsh, Paul. Islamic radical women blow themselves up in coffee shops. Good luck.
Fred Miserable: Especially when the shops are Jewish, such as that kosher shop in Paris. There is still widespread anti-Semitism in France. Don’t forget France is Dreyfus country. It’s not only Muslims wanting to get rid of Jews.
Mars Man: If I may, Kathryn, it is gratifying to see the outpouring support for free speech and a free press, but the Media in your country are amongst the biggest sinners in terms of political correctness, with your President as their Commander.
Fred Miserable: Point well made. All of our networks consist of leftist liberals, most of our major cable stations and papers are, and all is encouraged by a president who said he would transform America. Which he did and succeeded in to a large extent.
Shamus: What we hope on Mars is that the new temporary military government will stop this hemorrhaging of American values and stands up for Western culture and philosophy and brings America back to living up to its intrinsic values.
Kathryn: We share your hope. This must be the end of our show, but much more will be said about this subject in the future. Next week we hope to have an interview with the deposed President in Hawaii. The latest news is that the Petreaus Interim Military Government will send him bills to sign but he cannot veto them. If he tries, they will take his golf sticks away, we hear. Dear viewers, both on Mars and Mother Earth, see you next time.
Breaking News: US Military Take Over White House
and
Mars City TV is suddenly in uproar. Mars Man and his team are watching Mother Earth’s TV signals in astonishment. General Petraeus states on Omaha TV that the US Military have taken over the White House!
Dear Americans: After long deliberations and following increasingly aggravating presidential decision-making, gravely damaging the safety and well-being of the United States of America and its citizens, and after conferring with the US Founding Fathers in Heaven, the Military have found it necessary to depose President Obama and relieve him from his functions, first of all Commander in Chief. The President is currently under house arrest in Hawai and is only allowed to play golf. Air Force One has been repatriated by the Air Force.
To restore the foundation of the United States, the following are the main decisions taken:
- General Petraeus will head a temporary government to maintain critical services. This temporary government will stay in place until an interim president is appointed. This interim president will stay in office until the elections of 2016.
- On national policy, the Secretaries of the State Department, Defense, Justice, Homeland Security, Treasury, Interior, Energy and the EPA have been relieved of their functions. They will be replaced by senior military officers. Only critical personnel will remain in office. General Petraeus will be in charge of Defense and run the temporary government from there. The White House will be closed.
- FBI, The Secret Service and the CIA have aligned themselves with the Military Government and will continue their functions. So will the police.
- Curfew will be in place from Christmas Eve through January 2 from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m.
- Protest marches will not be tolerated. Military personnel and police will be patrolling the streets to keep order. Every person disrespecting the order will be arrested and imprisoned for an indefinite time, and be fed only water and bread.
- The mayor of New York and Mr. Al Sharpton have been arrested for disturbing the national order and are placed under house arrest indefinitely. Sharpton will also be forced to pay all his taxes due. Mr. Jesse Jackson has been advised not to show up instead.
- Rudy Giuliani has agreed to replace De Blasio until a new mayor is elected in the future.
- Congress is requested to stay home for the time being as they are not doing anything useful anyway. The Capitol has been put under military control.
- Corporate taxes have been halved. Foreign assets may be repatriated without penalty if reinvested in the United States.
- Obamacare has been put in abeyance pending a critical review of its dysfunctional elements. Previous healthcare insurance policies may be reinstated.
- The IRS has been placed under military control. All officers – either in function or retired – tainted by the IRS scandals have been put under house arrest without pay. All tapes are being released.
- During the curfew period, only NPR will be allowed to be in the air, both radio and TV, and will provide all interim government information but dissenting liberal comments will not be tolerated. In addition, radio will play only Christian music and TV shows will consist of Big Bird and Masterpiece Theater. NPR will show the movie “The Interview” forthwith.
- On foreign policy, the nuclear sites of North Korea and Iran were destroyed overnight. Cuba relations will remain as before and President Obama’s opening to that criminal government has been rescinded.
- Construction of the Keystone Pipeline from Canada will start immediately.
- Russia has been told that all its external finances in the USA have been blocked. Any further invasion of Ukraine will entail immediate military response. Increased US oil production will further derail the ruble. Similarly, no other expansion to free neighboring states formerly under the USSR will be tolerated
- China has been informed not to use this interim situation to expand its hemisphere in the Far East. US warships are in place near the China Sea. Any interference will lead to increasing tariffs and taxes on Chinese goods and all Christmas returns will be sent back to Beijing COD.
- All political correctness will be disbanded. Terrorists are terrorists, Islam will not anymore be called a peaceful religion until the Middle-Eastern nations will rise up and fight their own terrorists and beat them.
- All funding of Palestine has been suspended until it stops terrorism.
- Israel will receive full US support. Hamas, Hezbollah, ISIS will be fought with all might.
- Taxes on oil revenues and cigarettes will be earmarked to repay the US foreign debt as of today.
Other information will follow as the interim government actions will unfold.
Mars Man, trying desperately to reach Kathryn in Omaha, to his team at the Mars TV studio: This is unprecedented!
Shamus: I’ve seen it coming. Unavoidable.
Huda: I’ll miss seeing Michelle in her night gown!
Pasha: I can’t stand Big Bird!
Elmer: Go look at war movies by Oliver North on Fox.
Mars Man to Kathryn, after finally having made contact with her: What’s going on?
Kathryn: Apart from NPR, we are the only TV station allowed to operate. Everyone in the USA is in deep shock, but a majority of the people are very happy with the military take-over. The Government of the USA had reached rock-bottom and the country was falling apart.
Mars Man: any news from Mr. Obama?
Kathryn: Insiders tell me he doesn’t seem aware that anything happened as he is stuck at his eighteenth hole.
Mars Man: What happened to North Korea?
Kathryn: As far as we know, the US bombed their nuclear sites to smithereens. Kim is reportedly in tears because he can’t watch porn on the internet anymore. My panel has shrunk to two persons. Bob Demmofool has fled to Mexico and was promptly incarcerated for carrying a loaded gun. If past experience is any guide, we won’t see him back. Charles is here.
Charles: Washington D.C. is like a grave yard. Nobody around. All restaurants are closed. Police has finally a quiet time as protests were banned. The White House is dark. Nobody is interested to jump the fences anymore.
Paul Turnmeon: The sad thing is that the parades have been canceled. No sexy girls will be seen this time.
Kathryn: It’s closing time here now. No 24/7 TV anymore. People must read at least one good book per week. All guns will be banned from kid movies. Donald Duck and Micky Mouse are back again. I think we will return to the good old days of yesterday. Progressive Liberalism has failed completely and brought us to near-complete disaster. We will get back to you when we can in the New Year.
Mars Man: This gives us some rest! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you, too!
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