ENCHANTÉ – THE FRIENDS ON MUELLER
The Friends, having drinks at the Hullahoo Bar, talk about what all Americans are talking about: the fall out of the Mueller Report. A lot of yelling and screaming.
“You know,” Frank says, “it’s weird but the major players going after Trump are all Jewish. In the House, you’ve got Adam Schiff and Jerrold Nadler. In the Senate, it’s Chuck Schumer, Richard Blumenthal, and Diane Feinstein.”
“And on the campaign trail, we have Bernie Sanders,” Cindy says. “What’s the connection?”
“Most Jewish representatives are Democrats,” Melissa says. “Same for the Senate. That’s the connection.”
“Why aren’t there more Republican Jews?” pondered Ted. “Many of them have money, are well educated and are high up on the social scale.”
“So are Democrats,” Fred says, flicking his hand. “That’s no rationale for being a Republican.”
“It’s cultural,” Mary says. “Republicans say the US is basically Christian, and they have a large Evangelical base. Democrats hammer on the separation of Church and State. Jews say they aren’t Christians so they feel more comfortable with the liberal position.”
“If that’s so, you make my point,” Frank retorts. “Those Jewish Dems go after Trump because he’s Christian and woos the Evangelical vote.”
“Not all Jews are Democrats,” Celine argues. “Democrats have shown their antisemitic streak by circling the wagons around Omar. That may turn Jews away from the Democrat party. Republicans are committed to Israel. Obama was not. Omar is not.”
“How can Jews support the Dems’ leftist agenda?” asks Ted. “High taxes, abortion, anti-religion, climate war, free speech for socialists only, is that in their DNA?”
“Some Jewish voters may be independent like me and more may become like me,” Celine says. “They don’t like the Democrat position on marriage, sexuality, abortion, let alone the new left socialist slogans.”
“What do you think will happen to that Mueller Report?” asks Fred.
“The Democrats in the House will milk it ad nauseum,” Melissa responds. “The White House does well to fight their subpoenas. I bet it goes away by the next election when the Republicans win the house back.”
“How sure are you about that?” Tom asks.
“Because all independents like Celine, you and I are sick of that Mueller fishing expedition, and the Democrat party won’t have anything to show for,” Melissa says.
“I wonder how much these guys earned on this mud job out of the thirty-five million they spent,” Frank says.
“A lot more than you and me,” Cindy says. “When Mueller didn’t get Comey’s job, he whispered to his buddy Comey and then Rosenstein gave him his money worth writing that insufferable Report. An inside conjob.”
“And he took two and a half years doing it in revenge, leaving everybody twisting in the wind,” Ted says. “Trying to accuse Trump of something he didn’t do, which he knew all the way along.”
“So-called about Russian meddling, but using it for political purposes only to down the President,” scoffs Frank.
“Bankrupting many people with attorney fees, while striking up tons of public money for themselves,” added Melissa. “It looks like we are in a socialist country already.”
“Bankrupted for what they call process crimes, in quotes,” Fred says, making signs with his fingers. “Dragging them out of their homes at dawn with guns drawn. Ridiculous.”
“The Special Counsel system is out of control,” Tom says. “The FBI acts like the Russian KGB, tipping off the left media for show. Melissa nails it, we are socialist already.”
“Right,” Cindy says. “These prosecutors get rich on someone else’s money while sending their innocent victims to the poor house.”
“And we pay,” Frank complains. “My taxes went up this year, not down.”
“My taxes went up too,” Mary affirms. “The cuts went somewhere else. Somebody in the IRS is botching mine.”
“Anybody wants to hear more of that Mueller stuff, raise your hand,” Fred shouts.
No hands.
“I only hope they find out who started this hoax and how high that went up in the Obama White House,” Mary says. “More heads must roll and the rude FBI must be reigned in.”
“I think we can all drink to that,” Frank says and raises his glass.
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ENCHANTÉ – A BLESSED EASTER
A last meal and blessing hand
Bring us peace in warring land
Make your neighbor a best friend
Hate has no place in holy land
My heart will fold as red as blood
Forgive I will my tears will flood
You were created to be good
An undivided brotherhood
Shout that peace is good for all
Not just for you in clustered walls
Tear them down your flags of hate
They are NOT an act of faith
Shaking hands across the line
Sharing meals of bread and wine
Showing trust in someone’s heart
Making one a world apart
[But keep that dagger just in case
The other earthling shows bad grace ]
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ENCHANTÉ – FLAMES OF HELL
Like for so many, the Notre Dame is for me an icon of medieval brilliance. The cathedral has been a symbol of Catholicism, a thorn in the eyes of the revolutionary anti-christ, and was brought back to glory by Napoleon. After many tries, this time Lucifer finally got it. Christianity has been under fire through the centuries, and the attacks have spread in Europe and the US. But the Notre Dame in Paris remained a favored place for many believers to celebrate Mass, especially at Christmas, during the Holy Week and Easter, the Ascension of the Holy Mary, and All Saints Day. Lucifer must be jeering, rubbing his hot fingers, that his Judas put the fire to it, just in time.
Was it arson or just construction sloppiness, leaving some burning cigarette or some hot construction tool behind? What about French first-responder efficiency, as it took reportedly two hours for the fire trucks to arrive? Macron said it was an accident and I assume he said so following the judgment of his Sécurité. But was it? Imagine the national and western furor if it were not. Just for that reason, the authorities might not admit that. Now they want to rebuild it in five years as opposed to the hundred years it took in the twelfth/thirteenth centuries.
Some reporters and TV anchors were mocking that France, as a Catholic country, has become more and more secular. Why rebuild it then, say the anchors? Only for tourism? But are the French really that ‘secular’? In the middle ages (like in other parts of the world, where they built majestic temples e.g., India, and mosques – Persia, Arabia, North Africa), peoples and their builders and artists dedicated their life to these magnificent constructions because of their religious faith. So did the French. Through the centuries, they build their structures because they believed. Today, not all ‘Catholics’ may attend mass, go for ‘confession,’ or take the Communion. But that does not mean they don’t believe in God and His Ten Commandments.
I was born in a fierce Protestant Dutch family and turned into a Catholic boy at the age of 9. I turned away from Catholicism because of its rigidity. Although I adore the old Catholic liturgy, its Gregorian Music and rituals because of their mysticism, and consider cathedrals like the one in Chartres magnificent places for quiet meditation, I preferred my Protestant religious freedom. Maybe the Catholic emphasis on rules, regulations, and compliance, combined with the unnatural celibacy of its priests and its resulting dire consequences, drives French believers, like elsewhere in Europe, away from the Church. But that is no reason to term the French atheists or non-believers. They may still consider themselves Christians, adhering as best they can to those Ten Commandments, instead of going to church, and having to listen to lengthy and insufferable sermons. They still want to be able to have access to the Notre Dame if they want to. That’s why they want to rebuild it.
This week we reminisce Jesus’ suffering at the Cross thanks to the Judasses among us, and his Redemption at Easter, while his sad mother, our Holy Mary, had to witness the cruelty of his tormentors. Mothers, whose sons died in war, terror or accidents will relate to her. The Notre Dame carries her name and always will. In the name of the Holy Mary, I will contribute to its restoration as it is a bulwark of our Christianity, despite all the nonsense of the anti-Christ bullies the world over.
When studying in Paris for a year in the early sixties, the Notre Dame bestowed many blessings on me, among others my fluency in French, for which I am eternally grateful and the reason why I want to contribute. After that, I returned to Paris many times for business and pleasure with my wife and kids, often strolling around the Ile de la Cité, dominated by the Notre Dame. I may not witness the completion of its restoration, but then, many of its original builders did not see its completion either.
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ENCHANTÉ – THE FRIENDS ON HUGGING
The Hullahoo Bar is noisy with THE FRIENDS arguing loudly about America’s hugging frenzy.
“I hear one woman got pregnant from a Biden hug,” alleges Frank.
“Impossible,” counters Melissa. “She hadn’t washed her hair.”
“Why can’t we hug anymore?” Ted wonders. “All that’s left in today’s sex craze is hugging your pillow.”
“Ridiculous,” cries Fred. “When I went to my first prom, we hugged. At my second prom, we kissed. At my third, we did it in my car. At my fourth, we had a baby and still love each other.”
“Romance is out the door,” Cindy complains. “I feel it in the office. The guys look at me as if I’m enemy number one.”
“Can you imagine,” says Tom. “I like a girl in the office and what do I do not to get fired? How about saying, ‘Hey, I’m sentimental about you. May I please give you a hug?'”
“You might try having a coffee with her in the cafeteria and, while she is sipping her latte, text her the question first,” Céline suggests.
“What if she leaks my text to my boss, saying I sexually harassed her?” Tom asks.
“Tell him the Biden doctrine,” Céline advises. “It was never your intention to hug her sexually, only to empower her.”
“Empowering her for what?” Cindy scoffs. “A pretext for impregnating her?”
“See, that’s exactly what this Me Too movement is all about,” Frank says. “They weaponize the natural drive of human love to stop procreation.”
“How would the world survive with only Me Too women left on earth?” Ted asks, raising his arms in desperation.
“Easy,” Melissa says. “There are enough plentiful sperm banks to make babies. Me Too’s favored vibrator and babylube make up for the fun.”
“And what would the male babies do?” enquires Fred.
“Do like the priests,” Melissa says. “Celibacy and feed the sperm banks. Use sex dolls. What do you think they’re doing now?”
“That’s preposterous,” yells Frank. “Worse than Orwellian!”
“It would solve today’s sex craze,” Cindy agrees. “No more Biden or Trump jokes. No more Weinstein predators. And Kamala Harris wants to make prostitution legal.”
“Do you think that’s where the US is going?” Tom asks.
“That’s where the world is going,” Cindy says, prophesizing.
Nobody feels like finishing their drinks anymore.
“What if we go back to ‘Love makes the world go ’round,’ Cindy?” suggests Frank after the depressing silence.
Mary laughs. “Without love, the birdies would not sing this spring.”
“Damn Me Too!” Ted hollers, hammering on the counter. “Love cannot be killed or swept aside.”
“‘Cause we hear in our heartbeat a beautiful sound,'” follows Mary, her eyes lighting up.
“Cheers to love, Mary!” Frank shouts, raising his glass, and everybody does.
(with due credit to Deon Jackson and Jennifer Lopez).
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ENCHANTÉ – MARS MAN’S BAD INTERVIEW WITH LU
Mars Man is back at Lu Kung Si’s office in the Empire State Building for an interview with the Governor of China’s Province America. Mars visits Lu on behalf of Mars City TV which is interested in hearing Lu’s views about China’s Plans to invade Mars to make it a Chinese Province as well. The interview is relayed through Omaha TV with charming anchor Kathryn. Lu speaks first.
“You know, Mars, that Planet Earth’s Napoleon in his days already said that China was a sleeping giant and that Planet Earth should worry when it awoke. You see what happened to what was previously called the USA. You ask what China’s Plans are for Mars? Tell your audience they would never have it any better: daily access to Peking Duck and Chinese food, the main staple of America’s carry outs, even long before it became a Chinese province.”
“May I remind you Lu that Mars people have different bodies than you have. We live underground, have worm farms, plant farms, eat olms, salamanders, and wild bats, a delicacy as good as Peking Duck. We do not keep messy flee-infested poultry. Chinese could not live on Mars.”
“China would build structures above ground, Mars, acclimatized to Planet Earth conditions, bringing in our own food and drinks.”
“Unlike Planet Earth, we manage our climate and would make sure that storms, heat and cold would wipe you off our surface. My wife Kathryn cannot come with me. I have to come here but I have the ability to change into a human body, and that’s a secret you cannot steal.”
“I must remind you not to speak in adversarial terms, Mars. China does not steal. We acquire technology through partnerships, ‘Made in China.’ Find me one box in Province America without that label. We make things together and in exchange, we use our label. Walmart likes it, so does QVC and so many others, and so do we. Those that do not go out of business.”
“Lu, on Mars, we do not use cheap malnourished Chinese labor to make a profit on what we sell. You have no future on Mars. So spare yourself the trouble and stay away.”
“You don’t understand China, Mars. China aims to rule the universe and Mars will be one of our provinces in space from where we dominate Planet Earth.”
“Mars will import redundant flatulence from the failed New Green Deal and make your landing impossible.”
“Don’t fool yourself, Mars. We acquired NASA and the Russian Space Station. We put our footprint on the Moon. Mars will be next. Venus and Jupiter will follow.”
“The inhabitants of these planets will eat you alive, Lu. Contrary to Marsians, they like Chinese food. It’s a suicidal move.”
“China has 1.5 billion people and that’s too many. We must ship the overload off to space, starting with the Tibetans and Urghs, and unruly residents of Province America. Those deplorables as defined by comrade Hillary Clinton, including racists, sexists, homophobics, xenophobics, Islamophobics. Like the Brits did with sending their criminal crop to Australia. Only true collaborators of China are allowed to remain on Planet Earth.”
“How will China get to Mars?”
“Before you leave, we will X-ray your body to re-engineer it and replicate it for our own use.”
“X-rays do not work on my body, Lu. Besides, if you try that I will turn you into a Mars bar with devastating power. When somebody eats that bar, that person will also turn into a Mars bar, and so on. That might be a better policy to deal with your population problem.”
“Don’t try April Fools Pranks on me, Mars. I can arrest you for disrespect of a senior Chinese official. I insist you follow me to our health room.”
Lu rises, but his face and body crumble with a painful scream. All that’s left on his desk is a Mars bar.
When Mars Man leaves Lu’s office, he pushes the icon ‘Utilities’ on his smartphone to restore Lu to his human condition. He needs him for further interviews but knows that Lu will think twice before trying to take his body next time.