Mars Man: “Good morning dear audience. We’re back on the air with the Mother Earth’s Weekly Squirms show and our full team is present to discuss the latest on Planet Earth as we see it from Mars. Kathryn O’Sullivan and her panel of Omaha TV on Planet Earth is connected and will participate.”

“Well, you keep busy over there, Kathryn. The Middle East in turmoil, the USA in uproar, Old Europe’s multiculturalism is dead, Japan’s disastrous earthquake of nuclear proportions, while we on Mars can only complain about those nasty sunspots with resulting sandstorms, but otherwise all is quiet over here. All compared, living on Mars is good. Let’s start with Planet Earth’s Middle East. Kathryn, you chime in when you want. Elmer, your take.”

Elmer: “You may call it the belated birth of the Middle East’s Renaissance. The European Renaissance started in Earth’s fourteenth century. Islam began in the seventh century, seven centuries after Christ. Planet Earth is now in its twenty first century, some seven centuries after its European Renaisssance. So, if you do the math, the Middle East is sort of right on target. They do everything seven hundred years later. Just a matter of intellectual evolution.”

Mars Man: “Tamil?”

“Don’t forget that besides art and science, Europe’s Renaissance also began its religious wars, witch hunts and inquisition, and led to Protestantism and the cruel French Revolution. It began at the same time as the Muslim Ottoman Empire conquered Constantinople. This backward looking regime stuck to the religion’s origins of the seventh century and that’s why the Middle East stayed behind. Europe catapulted to prosperity and got democracy in the end. The Middle Eastern youth, mostly unemployed and suppressed, and seeing on the Internet and Facebook what they missed, finally took to the streets. It took a few centuries to happen.”

Huda: “I even saw women in scarves, black robes and burkas protesting. I can’t imagine wearing such clothes in modern times.”

Pasha: “Yves Givenchy in Europe and Calvin Klein in the USA are dressing their models with see-through robes and burkas and they look surprisingly sexy. Men imagine what they don’t see and that makes them hungry and women adventurous. We are witnessing a sea-change in Earth’s fashion.”

Pasha: “This must be great news for the Mullahs and Imams. All western women will turn Islamic and with them their men will too. That’s winning a religious war without firing a shot.”

Shamus: “Nothing good has ever come from revolutions, except the USA’s Declaration of Independence, though that turned into their Civil War, and I bet your money that those Brotherhood snooks will hijack the rebels’ uprising and pull those countries back to the Middle Ages again followed by more religious wars, suppression and economic decline. See-through burkas won’t be of much help.”

Mars Man: “Kathryn, any comments on this?”

Kathryn: “See-through veils are back in fashion here. It’s definitely coming. Fred Garfinkel, you want to comment?”

Fred: “I still remember Elisabeth Taylor as Cleopatra gazing at me through her veil when I was a young boy. She got me very excited. But burkas would be a problem for the traffic police. What if the wearer does not see his signs and she walks into a lamp post? Who pays the hospital bill?”

Bob Foolsman: “This is exactly why Obamacare is so important. An uninsured Islamic immigrant would get immediate treatment at a first rate hospital and wouldn’t have to linger dying in a crowded emergency room.”

Charles Hammerschmidt: “Come on, Bob, if that’s the case, wearing a burka should be a traffic violation subject to a hefty fine. Get modern.”

Kathryn: “You heard some of our heated views on the subject, Mars. Back to you.”

Mars Man: “What about the rough and tumble USA? Shamus, you’re the economist.”

Shamus: “As I see it, one side wants budgetary spending, the other side wants budgetary sanity and nobody wants austerity, even though the USA is broke. They must even borrow to pay the interest on their debt. With spend-thrift socialists in the White House and the Senate majority, the budgetary hawks in the House of Representatives will have a hard time keeping those spenders under control. No wonder Big Spender Obama wants to stay out of the fray and make one platitude after another trying to look as if he is deeply involved which he is obviously not.”

Mars Man: “Who’s going to win this battle? For any normal person, the path they’re on is unsustainable.”

Shamus: “Economics is not relevant, if it has ever been in politics, that’s the silliness of it. Earth’s socialists want big government to keep everyone dependent on them, regardless of declining economic prosperity. Anyone with a reasonable mind knows you can’t spend more than you earn, and borrow beyond the interest you can pay. You and I and most sensible people know that. Not the socialists, despite what’s happened to Europe. You can’t teach them. They want central planning and your dependence, like Marx, Lenin and Mao, just to stay in power.”

Elmer: “So true. Look at Europe’s PIGS countries. Look at Europe’s inability to start and maintain a no-fly zone over that rebellious Libya because they neglected their defenses. Only the USA can do that and to do it they have to borrow from China that voted against that war because they want Libya’s oil. What a bunch.”

Pasha: “If I were in their shoes, I would’ve liked them to shut down the government and get some free leave to beautify my yard and get a new hairdo.”

Tamil: “The same hairdo as billionaire Donald Trump?”

Pasha: “You’ll see it’ll become fashion. I think he would be a great president. The last thing they need there is to keep a socialist politician on the throne, who didn’t even write his best-selling books himself and lacks a birth certificate. All show and no doing.”

Huda: “Agree. Trump calls a spade a spade, wouldn’t take fools lightly and say “you’re fired”. Do away with those spend-thrift politicians that only look two years ahead using other people’s money to get reelected. And Earth’s women adore him, look how many he married. Even Whoopee Goldberg didn’t walk out on him during The View show. I wouldn’t mind having a boat ride with him myself.”

Tamil: “To answer your question, Mars Man, the battle can only be won by a Republican majority and Donald Trump in the White House. He knows his business. That means after the 2012 elections. I usually don’t like absolute majorities but in this lethal debt crisis it’s their only way to get out of trouble. It will depend on what they call their independent swing voters. If they choose Obama again, voters will have elected their own downfall. China will take over. You said the other day they were buying the Empire State building already to move part of their government to the USA.”

Mars Man: “The USA’s situation looks dim. Today’s generation, in particular their politicians, does not care about what’s happening after they’re gone and keeps kicking the can down the road. Pure irresponsible egoism. After us the tsunami. Those poor kids and grand kids. Kathryn, surely your panel wants to come in?

Bob Foolsman: “Your team has it completely wrong. America needs this debt so that it can raise taxes on the rich. This is why we have this problem. Bush tax cuts for the rich and fighting two unnecessary wars got us in trouble and caused the financial crisis.”

Charles Hammerschmidt: “What nonsense, Bob. How dare you misleading our friends on Mars? It was your irresponsible fiscal policy and housing finance debacle that caused the financial crisis. And do you think Libya is Obama’s necessary war?”

Bob: “the UN ordered it….

Fred Garfinkel: “We have some 310 million people in the USA. How many of them are what you call rich, Bob? And when do you call someone “rich” or “wealthy”? A millionaire?

Bob:”Anyone who earns more than 250 thousand dollars per household, as Obama said.”

Tony: “You call earning 250 K rich? Are you kidding? And how many millionaires do we have anyway? One percent? That would only be 3 million. You want them to pay all the taxes in the USA? You see how ridiculous your people are? Full of slogans and empty rethoric for the evening news. How long do you think the American public is going to swallow that crap?”

Mars Man: “We get the message, Kathryn, no agreement in the USA. Lucky your shut down was avoided, but next time you may not be so lucky. Let’s turn to Europe, Elmer, what about their multiculturalism?”

Elmer: “They deserve what they got. No wonder it didn’t work. I said many years ago on this show that Earth’s Islamic cultures do not assimilate because of their strong and different social framework that enforces outdated customs. Nationals don’t let them in their homes because they insist on being different, and when they then find they are left out in the cold, they turn violent and want their guest countries to turn Islamic. Out of fear for reprisals, Europeans have continued to accommodate them with political correctness, till finally their patience broke with fanatic murders on the street and car burnings in their cities. Now Islamic immigrants want to overtake their governments. It’s insane.”

Tamil: Since we are a very homogeneous society, we probably don’t fully understand this predicament. It’s strange to see Europe’s Christian churches empty while mosques are full, with Imams preaching radical sermons and inciting their youth to violence against Christendom and Western society.”

Elmer: “As said before, Islam is seven centuries behind, so give and take a few centuries and their mosques will be empty as well. By that time Christians may be fanatic again.”

Bob Foolsman’s voice cracked in the microphone. “You don’t want to get into a situation where people who lived in your country for years are suddenly thrown out, including their kids, just because they are Islamic or Hispanic and have no legal identity card.”

Tony Blanket: “No problem if they came in legally, but if they sneaked in over the border, either with kids or got the kids once in the USA, they have to take the consequences. Too bad. You have to draw the line somewhere. We can’t pay for all the free services they claim.”

Bob: “But what if a kid has lived here all his life and is westernized and fears he or she’ll be persecuted and tortured when back home? Who’s to blame?”

Fred: “There’re thousands of kids like that in the USA and I admit it’s a problem. Europe has that problem too. Previous administrations are to blame because they didn’t take immediate action on border control. Mostly to blame are the Democrats because they want their illegal votes to beat the Republicans and what we get is more drugs and more crime. You must draw the line otherwise it becomes an untenable situation with more and more illegal immigrants doing the same.”

Bob: “Even on humanitarian grounds? Send a westernized girl back to the Taliban to dress in a burka and stay holed up the whole day in a hut being raped by these bullying men?”

Kathryn: “I don’t think Fred wants to do that either. We should treat those cases as refugees. Mars, you see we have some insoluble problems here on Planet Earth. Back to you.”

Mars Man: “Thanks Kathryn and panel. We’re running out of time here. See you at the next round of America’s budget fight. Good bye.”

“Well, dear viewers, aren’t we lucky we live on Mars?”

Pasha: “But Planet Earth has all this diversity, we’re all the same.”

Huda: “Diversity is nice if you can keep it apart. It becomes messy when you let it melt into your society. That’s what’s happening on Planet Earth and it’s getting worse. I prefer homogeneous Mars.”

Mars Man: ”That’s great, Huda, we drink to that. That’s all the time we have, dear viewers, see you next time.”